Buried Alive

So I'm assuming most folks with internet access or anyone actually following my blog, also has cable...I'm guessing.  And I'm also going to assume that you have seen a show on TLC about hoarders, and how they can basically lock themselves into a tiny corner of a room pooping their pants and then launching their dirty diapers into another corner, or if they can get access to it...their yard.  Well, I have a confession to make.  While I'm not currently taking dumps in my pants in a random lazy boy that also doubles as my bed, I am guilty, extremely guilty, of identifying and quite possibly could become a hoarder myself...yeah, it's true.  The time I realized I have a problem was while watching said show and identifying with the subjects that give meaning to every.single.item.they.own.  THAT IS ME.  Whether a snow globe, a card from my 12th birthday, a random notebook from an accounting class, an old calendar with plans listed on it, or just old clothes; I find meaning to it all and have a very difficult time parting.  My husband threatens that if I start this nonsense at our relatively new shared home...he'll set this bitch ablaze.  Seriously, just light it on fire with all my stuff.  And since I have a previous post about buying random "treasures" from the thrift store...this terrible event could actually take place one day.  So I decided to be a good wife, and while Geraldine is out of town (shocker) this week, I wanted to start tackling some of our closets.

I started by organizing some smaller areas in bathrooms and closet the guest bedroom.  But last night I decided to tackle the mother load...the broom closet in our kitchen area.  This thing has an assortment of mail, brooms, candles, car keys, dog supplies, and God only knows what in it.  It's really like a giant junk drawer.  So I went right in and just started pulling things out.  I noticed two boxes that hold thank you cards, one of which being monogrammed with my maiden name.  I guess now that I no longer really "own" that monogram or initials I should really toss the cards.  I opened the box ready to make my first big step in my battle with hoarding, I was going to really throw these things away, and of course I find some sweet wedding cards.

This could derail me...so I allow myself a moment to stop and read the sweet words that were inside.  But when I opened the card I was more paralyzed with shock than I was warm and fuzzy with happiness.  Inside the damn card was a check, for $50, of course dated for almost a year ago.  I then manage to look down and see another card...I brace myself.  Balls!! Mother of Pearl!!  Another check...for $100!!  Son of a!!  My eyes immediately can't see, I'm all of a sudden completely illiterate.  Who are they from?  What will I tell my husband?  What does this all mean?!  And are there others?? 

I knew this was literally the ammunition Jrock needed to argue that I'm not organized and really need to start cleaning up my "hiding" places in the closets.  I hung my head in shame and continued to dig through the mess, and luckily never found any additional checks.  Really not sure what I'll do with the two checks, especially since one is from a man with Alzheimer's, and I'm pretty sure I'd have a first-class ticket to hell for cashing that one.

I also found my bag of wedding cards and spent a good amount of time reminiscing about our "special day" and all the sweet things people had to say.  It really was sweet...so of course, I CAN'T get rid of those.  I just can't.  Hell, I won't.
Guess this whole battle with hoarding will just have to wait, cause for now I just feel an important bond with every.single.item. I find.  : )  Except for the random used tampons I just found in the guest bathroom...those I had NO problem tossing.  But that's a story for another time.

Case of the Mondays

I started a post last night, but never posted it...so here it is!

Another long day at work (I didn't realize I had not taken my lunch break until 3:45) and I'm finally home to relax, stuff my face, and watch pointless television.  Gerard is off to the west coast today leaving emo dog Rollins and I as each other's dates tonight...and every night until Friday.  But we're used to it.  I was actually a little excited about tonight because I got to stuff my face with leftovers...something Gerard isn't a huge fan of. 

A few weeks ago I was looking for an easy recipe to make for myself, and have to eat on for several days.  I like to try and eat somewhat healthy, but find that to be a challenge since I'm terrified of lighting my hair on fire if I try to grill, or starting a grease fire if I cook on the stove top.  So I really limit myself to baking, using the crock pot, or a Foreman, which I believe I've mentioned before.  But I found this recipe online and decided to give it a whirl.  It had spinach, and chicken...so how could it be that bad?  Bad, not hardly...more like AMAZING.  Maybe I'm biased being the chef and all, but this meal was to die for!  Only problem, I'm pretty sure it could have fed an entire family of 5-8.  So I froze the leftovers, and saved them for a later date...which would be now.

It's a Weight Watchers recipe I found online, and even though I literally have NO IDEA what the points mean, I figured it couldn't be all that bad.  So here ya go...

Weight Watchers Chicken and Spinach Lasagna Recipe

Ingredients:
- 1 sprays cooking spray
- 32 oz Marinara sauce, store-bought
- 1 tbsp olive oil
- 1 medium onions, chopped
- 1 pound uncooked ground chicken breast (I used ground turkey)- 30 oz fat-free ricotta cheese (I used fat free cottage cheese)- 2 large egg whites, lightly beaten
- 1 tsp garlic powder
- 1 tbsp Italian seasoning
- 9 dry lasagna noodles
- 20 oz chopped frozen spinach, thawed and squeezed dry
- 1 ½ cup shredded Kraft Natural Cheese Low-moisture part-skim mozzarella, or other brand (about 12oz) I decided to only place the mozzarella on the top...so it would be less fattening.

Directions:
Preheat oven to 350ºF. Coat a large, deep lasagna pan with cooking spray. Measure 2 cups of marinara sauce; set aside. Heat oil in a large skillet over medium-high heat. Add onion; cook and stir until almost tender, about 3 to 4 minutes. Add chicken; cook until no longer pink, stirring frequently, about 4 to 5 minutes. Add remaining marinara sauce to skillet and stir until well combined; set aside. Mix together ricotta cheese, egg whites, garlic powder and Italian seasoning in a large bowl until well combined.To assemble lasagna, place 2 cups of reserved marinara sauce on bottom of dish. Layer with 3 noodles, 1/3 of ricotta mixture, 1/3 of spinach, 1/3 of mozzarella cheese and 1/3 of chicken-sauce mixture; repeat layers ending with chicken-sauce mixture. (Make sure to spread ingredients to edge of noodles.) Cover baking dish with aluminum foil. Bake lasagna for 20 minutes. Uncover; sprinkle with remaining mozzarella cheese and bake until cheese is melted and edges are bubbly, about 20 minutes more. Remove from oven and let stand 10 minutes before slicing into 8 equally sized pieces.

Makes 8 servings
Each serving = 8 Weight Watchers Points

I paired this with some bruschetta concoction I made from my fresh homegrown tomatoes and bread, and a tall glass of diet sweet tea.  Now I just have to wait around to see if this thing will give me food poisoning, cause I'm certainly not a master when it comes to properly freezing, storing, thawing, or cooking foods.  But I guess you already knew that.

The Break-up

So yeah, I've had radio silence on my blog for a bit, and I guess I should apologize.  But I really haven't had much to share or talk about.  I do finally have some awesome watermelons coming in, and we've enjoyed a few tomatoes that I grew as well.  I even made crepes this past weekend.  Yeah, I made crepes.  My life is boring, but I think I really like it like that.  I just got back in town to have emo dog greet me.  He showed his love by taking a lap around the yard, and then ignoring me.  I think he missed me, but it sucks coming home and not having Jrock there. 

I'm now in my office and doing the usual email and message checking and of course, facebook updates.  I realized that I think I'm outgrowing my facebook account.  It's a little too much like Myspace at this point, a bunch of people I'm not sure I give a crap about any longer, posting drama or stuff that doesn't really entertain me.  I don't care about the new item you just bought on credit cause you live above your means.  I don't care to see pictures of your new baby, your baby is ugly...yes, I said it.  Some babies are ugly.  There are ugly people, so obviously there are ugly babies.  I don't give a poop to see an office whore tagged in posts with the schmo she's banging.  And I really don't care to see my psychotic ex comment and write things on every single person I happen to know's wall every five minutes.  Nor do I really feel the need for your latest inspirational quote you found online, or need to find Jesus.  So I've now decided, Facebook...we're breaking up.  It's not you, it's me.  I'm just not into you anymore.  I no longer find you attractive.  You've lowered your standards over the years (and I could write many hurtful things at this point as to why I feel that way), and you've really let yourself go.  I'm not saying I'm deleting my account...we can remain "friends" but at this point I really don't know if I'll be visiting you any longer.  I've moved on.  Yes, I know those words are painful.  I have a few new girls in my life, Pinterest and Foodgawker.  And guess what?  They really have a lot less drama...and I like that.  But that Pinterest may be getting a Dear John letter soon...that bitch just tries to make me jealous by bragging all day. ; )

I'm sorry it has come to this, but I feel it's for the best.  I need to go focus on my crepe making technique, actually doing work, and being boring.  I like boring.

One Man's Trash...

Anyone that knows me (and that just happens to be all 3 of my readers) knows that I'm really into saving money.  Like ridiculous-level of saving, and have once or twice in my life been called cheap.  Oh the shame!  I like to call myself frugal instead of cheap, maybe a bit of a tightwad, but really just always wanting to get the most for my money.  Nothing wrong with that right, riiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiight?!?!  Whatever.

Well, after some inspiration from my extremely talented sister-in-law, and following all her DIY projects from thrift store finds, I decided to try my hand out at some furniture redo's as well.  My grandmother (Meme, she's hilarious) and I tried our luck at the local Good Will store.  We walked in, and within two minutes I found two pieces I thought I could give a little TLC and elbow grease...you know, really make it something of my own!  I bought a beautiful console table (the long thin tables that go behind a couch) and a TV stand.  And at those prices...I thought if I screw it up and hate it, I'll just donate it back to Good Will.  I bought and left the store with the pieces like I stole 'em! 

Now I originally had every intention of re-finishing each piece with some sanding and fresh paint.  But not only am I extremely cheap, I'm also extremely LAZY.  I'm such a catch, my husband is soooo lucky isn't he?!?  So, instead of painting the pieces, I cleaned them with Murphy's oil soap, polished 'em up, and just started using them.  I thought, instead of making a huge mess and painting only two pieces, I should just collect several new items and paint it all at once!  Brilliant!!  And now enter my new addiction...frequent visits to the thrift store.  But let's start by showing off my AMAZING console table:

Please cue your oooohs and ahhhs now.  Not bad, eh??  So yeah, it could use some paint...but once again, that will be awhile.  But after finding such an adorable piece of furniture, how could I not want to return to find some more trash/treasure?  And that's exactly what I've done...I've gone back time and time again, I'm in there more than most Mexicans.  Sorry, that was racist...but true.  While I haven't been lucky in finding anymore awesome pieces of furniture, or furniture that I think is "worthy" of my castle, I have been able to find a few other amazing items.  And by a few, I mean I have a serious f'ing problem with buying random shit that I think deserves a new home.  It started with a porcelain Santa that was JUST LIKE the one my mom has.  From there I bought a whole bag of ornaments, then some awesome baskets (who doesn't need random ass baskets?!?!), and some random fake wooden fruit!  But I wanted to share some of my favorites that I've found in just the past two weeks...and at this rate, not only will our house be filled with random "treasures" but I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to learn to go on a budget.  Oh boy...

So I know I mentioned I bought fake fruit, but that wasn't the exact fake fruit-look I was going for, and well, neither is this...but it's closer!





And no, no, no, we don't just stop at a giant glass vase of fake pears...I also bought a stupid picture of peaches, PEACHES just because it only cost me $1.50!!  It doesn't even really go with anything in my house, but I hung it anyway (my husband was thrilled).  I'm sure it will be tossed soon, but I'm enjoying the arguments it causes with Jrock...thrilling!!

And why stop there?  Oh hell no ladies, I can't leave all these sweet treasures on the shelves...am I the only one that's seen Toy Story?  Who's to say other items don't have feelings too?  Like those random balls (yes, balls) that people use to decorate with...you know THESE

It was imperative I take the picture outside just to show off their true beauty.  And I arranged them in a random metal thing I found in my house (no, I have no idea what I even actually own...most hoarders don't)

And for the mother-load...

Awww yeah, that's a fake lemon tree.  I have no idea where I'm going to place the stupid thing, but I seriously HAD TO HAVE IT.  Just like the ornaments, and the Santa, and all the other crap I keep buying.  And the best part, is sharing all these awesome finds with Jrock when he gets home Fridays...it makes his heart happy.  Okay, I'm lying...but it makes my heart happy to see the strange look on his face when he sees the random crap that I buy.  But hey, one man's trash is this broad's treasure.

Going Green

I'm on a high-horse this evening, and unlike Christopher Reeves, I'm not coming down.  (Sorry, still a funny quote)  Why am I so pleased with myself?  Cause Jrock and I have somehow managed to grow food...REAL food.  A real little "garden" if you will.  And yes, I must use this term loosely, cause we have no idea what we are doing, and with a little planning probably could have created a nice little set-up. 

But, for what it's worth, our little patch of farmland was able to bare fruit.  Tonight with our dinner we ate a tomato, a tomato from OUR garden.  Ohhh yeah.  And the reason this is such a big deal, is because normally I manage to kill any living plant I get my hands on.  I can't even manage to keep anything alive in the two pots on our front stoop.  We recently invested in two mini leyland cypress trees, and what started out fine, ended with two orange/yellow beacons drawing more attention than was needed to our front door.  It was embarrassing.  So, I naturally went into our whole farming expedition with very low expectations.  When we bought the home the previous owners had a place next to the deck where the wife grew herbs.  Seeing that I can't stand the taste of Rosemary, and have no idea what you do with sage, we decided to rip the useless herbs out.  We left the mint that was there, but then realized what an eyesore we created by leaving a random green patch of mint that looks like weeds.  So on a lovely trip to Home Depot one morning we went a little nuts buying random things to place in this area, and some pots on our back deck.  We left with the following: 1 tomato plant, 1 red bell pepper plant, 1 watermelon plant, and some weird tropical thing, that if all the food plants failed...maybe we could place a bunch of the pretty tropical plants in this area.  Well, with a lot of watering, a little miracle grow thanks to my grandma, and a lot of sessions of me walking outside and talking to my plants...this is the mess we ended up with:

I know what you're thinking...holy crap, you have a mess!!  I do, but I'm afraid to mess with anything, cause I have been lucky enough to find these beauties...

That's tomatoes and a pepper...yup.  No watermelons yet, but most of the green is the insane vine that has taken over the entire area.  Okay, so writing about friggin plants that I grew isn't that exciting, but it's something that I wanted to share.  I'll also share the beauty that we ate tonight.

That's your gratuitous d-bag picture to show you just how happy I truly am about my first 'mater!! And while we're on the topic of boring things, and I've already probably put you to sleep, I'll show you a baby shower gift I made for my favorite Asian, Jen, for her shower this weekend.  I got the idea on Pinterest and it only took me about 5 tries to finally get this:

Okay, so it's not perfect.  It may look like a random cloth nipple, but it's supposed to be an ice-cream made out of a baby hat, onesies (yes, I've learned what those are) and baby wash cloths.   Alright, if you're even still with me after this post I hope to make the next one a little more interesting, but not everything can be all hate can it? ; )

Blah

I know I was going to use my blog for venting purposes, but considering my last post was a little much, I had to delete it.  I'm just giving the heads up that today, a Monday, is making me wish that I kept that post...and added to it.

Instead I have decided to quarantine myself in my office.  Listen to tunes on Pandora, and maybe even start drinking...what? I've still got about 7 hours before I have to operate a vehicle.

Even a Caveman Can Do It

Ahhh, just a nice Tuesday night here at the house (yes, I've been drinking wine...don't judge).  It's a little after 8pm and I FINALLY finished cleaning the kitchen.  My husband is home for the night.  Yes, he did just leave two days ago, came home tonight at 7:30 and will be gone to leave town again by 6 in the morning!  He's working the Pink Pony shift as a husband apparently.
Since I only had my dude home for a few hours tonight (don't worry, I'm not ignoring him, he's actually WORKING on his laptop) I thought I would make him a nice dinner.  And anyone that knows both of us knows two important facts: 1) I am not able to cook a meal that is real food, 2) Jrock only eats healthy recipes.  And by healthy, I mean I'm pretty limited on what I can make that he will actually eat (grilled chicken, vegetables, grilled chicken, fish, grilled chicken).  I am terrified of giving us food poisoning from undercooked meat, so I limit most of my cooking to baking, the Forman, and a crockpot.  True Story.  But tonight I wanted to try and surprise him with something that he would be glad to eat...a recipe that fits into his Paleo diet.  What's a Paleo diet?  Oh just a diet that is restricted to foods that you could find during the Paleolithic period.  As in hunters and gathers, cavemen, stone age, primal beings eating meats, seafood, nuts, berries and whatever boring shit you might come across back then.  It's apparently all the rage, and what better way to become a modern day Susie Homemaker than to make my insane (did I just type that) husband a dish that is comprised of such simple, yet delicious, ingredients??  After researching the internet for amazing recipes like pumpkin pancakes, turkey gizzards with nuts, and human flesh...I finally found one that he might like: Pork chops with onions and apples.

I rushed home to get all my "fixins" together to have them in the oven in time for his arrival.  I followed the recipe almost exactly, and by the time Jrock made it home I seriously couldn't contain my shit eating grin for how proud I was of myself.  Nevermind that I was following a diet based on cavemen that were complete savages...that wasn't important, what was, was that I managed to a cook a meal. A real meal.  That even followed some dietary (although strange) restrictions.  When we finally sat down to taste our amazing meal I was beyond excited.  What would he say?  How much praise would I get for this one?  I just knew this was going to be healthy and delicious, why else would these people rant and rave about it online?

I finally got the first bite in my mouth...hmm, something must be off.  Maybe I didn't get enough apple in with the pork.  Try again...nope, still bland.  I finally realized, anyone that's strange enough to revert to methods cavemen used isn't probably going to be on the same culinary page as a girl that uses more condiments in one meal than most restaurants probably go through in an evening.  This is also when Jrock informs me that he's not really on this diet, and that I might find it a bit boring.  I then gave in, scraped off the onions and apples (they became a side dish) and grabbed a bottle of bbq sauce.  No way I was wasting my food, but definitely wasn't subjecting myself to bland food...life's just too short.  So in true white trash fashion, I consumed my meal, happily, with ranch dressing and bbq sauce all over my plate.  And washed it down with white wine.  There's a reason we as humans have advanced over the years, and to the whole Paleo diet followers, I just have to ask...what the f*ck?!?