One Man's Trash...

Anyone that knows me (and that just happens to be all 3 of my readers) knows that I'm really into saving money.  Like ridiculous-level of saving, and have once or twice in my life been called cheap.  Oh the shame!  I like to call myself frugal instead of cheap, maybe a bit of a tightwad, but really just always wanting to get the most for my money.  Nothing wrong with that right, riiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiight?!?!  Whatever.

Well, after some inspiration from my extremely talented sister-in-law, and following all her DIY projects from thrift store finds, I decided to try my hand out at some furniture redo's as well.  My grandmother (Meme, she's hilarious) and I tried our luck at the local Good Will store.  We walked in, and within two minutes I found two pieces I thought I could give a little TLC and elbow grease...you know, really make it something of my own!  I bought a beautiful console table (the long thin tables that go behind a couch) and a TV stand.  And at those prices...I thought if I screw it up and hate it, I'll just donate it back to Good Will.  I bought and left the store with the pieces like I stole 'em! 

Now I originally had every intention of re-finishing each piece with some sanding and fresh paint.  But not only am I extremely cheap, I'm also extremely LAZY.  I'm such a catch, my husband is soooo lucky isn't he?!?  So, instead of painting the pieces, I cleaned them with Murphy's oil soap, polished 'em up, and just started using them.  I thought, instead of making a huge mess and painting only two pieces, I should just collect several new items and paint it all at once!  Brilliant!!  And now enter my new addiction...frequent visits to the thrift store.  But let's start by showing off my AMAZING console table:

Please cue your oooohs and ahhhs now.  Not bad, eh??  So yeah, it could use some paint...but once again, that will be awhile.  But after finding such an adorable piece of furniture, how could I not want to return to find some more trash/treasure?  And that's exactly what I've done...I've gone back time and time again, I'm in there more than most Mexicans.  Sorry, that was racist...but true.  While I haven't been lucky in finding anymore awesome pieces of furniture, or furniture that I think is "worthy" of my castle, I have been able to find a few other amazing items.  And by a few, I mean I have a serious f'ing problem with buying random shit that I think deserves a new home.  It started with a porcelain Santa that was JUST LIKE the one my mom has.  From there I bought a whole bag of ornaments, then some awesome baskets (who doesn't need random ass baskets?!?!), and some random fake wooden fruit!  But I wanted to share some of my favorites that I've found in just the past two weeks...and at this rate, not only will our house be filled with random "treasures" but I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to learn to go on a budget.  Oh boy...

So I know I mentioned I bought fake fruit, but that wasn't the exact fake fruit-look I was going for, and well, neither is this...but it's closer!





And no, no, no, we don't just stop at a giant glass vase of fake pears...I also bought a stupid picture of peaches, PEACHES just because it only cost me $1.50!!  It doesn't even really go with anything in my house, but I hung it anyway (my husband was thrilled).  I'm sure it will be tossed soon, but I'm enjoying the arguments it causes with Jrock...thrilling!!

And why stop there?  Oh hell no ladies, I can't leave all these sweet treasures on the shelves...am I the only one that's seen Toy Story?  Who's to say other items don't have feelings too?  Like those random balls (yes, balls) that people use to decorate with...you know THESE

It was imperative I take the picture outside just to show off their true beauty.  And I arranged them in a random metal thing I found in my house (no, I have no idea what I even actually own...most hoarders don't)

And for the mother-load...

Awww yeah, that's a fake lemon tree.  I have no idea where I'm going to place the stupid thing, but I seriously HAD TO HAVE IT.  Just like the ornaments, and the Santa, and all the other crap I keep buying.  And the best part, is sharing all these awesome finds with Jrock when he gets home Fridays...it makes his heart happy.  Okay, I'm lying...but it makes my heart happy to see the strange look on his face when he sees the random crap that I buy.  But hey, one man's trash is this broad's treasure.

Going Green

I'm on a high-horse this evening, and unlike Christopher Reeves, I'm not coming down.  (Sorry, still a funny quote)  Why am I so pleased with myself?  Cause Jrock and I have somehow managed to grow food...REAL food.  A real little "garden" if you will.  And yes, I must use this term loosely, cause we have no idea what we are doing, and with a little planning probably could have created a nice little set-up. 

But, for what it's worth, our little patch of farmland was able to bare fruit.  Tonight with our dinner we ate a tomato, a tomato from OUR garden.  Ohhh yeah.  And the reason this is such a big deal, is because normally I manage to kill any living plant I get my hands on.  I can't even manage to keep anything alive in the two pots on our front stoop.  We recently invested in two mini leyland cypress trees, and what started out fine, ended with two orange/yellow beacons drawing more attention than was needed to our front door.  It was embarrassing.  So, I naturally went into our whole farming expedition with very low expectations.  When we bought the home the previous owners had a place next to the deck where the wife grew herbs.  Seeing that I can't stand the taste of Rosemary, and have no idea what you do with sage, we decided to rip the useless herbs out.  We left the mint that was there, but then realized what an eyesore we created by leaving a random green patch of mint that looks like weeds.  So on a lovely trip to Home Depot one morning we went a little nuts buying random things to place in this area, and some pots on our back deck.  We left with the following: 1 tomato plant, 1 red bell pepper plant, 1 watermelon plant, and some weird tropical thing, that if all the food plants failed...maybe we could place a bunch of the pretty tropical plants in this area.  Well, with a lot of watering, a little miracle grow thanks to my grandma, and a lot of sessions of me walking outside and talking to my plants...this is the mess we ended up with:

I know what you're thinking...holy crap, you have a mess!!  I do, but I'm afraid to mess with anything, cause I have been lucky enough to find these beauties...

That's tomatoes and a pepper...yup.  No watermelons yet, but most of the green is the insane vine that has taken over the entire area.  Okay, so writing about friggin plants that I grew isn't that exciting, but it's something that I wanted to share.  I'll also share the beauty that we ate tonight.

That's your gratuitous d-bag picture to show you just how happy I truly am about my first 'mater!! And while we're on the topic of boring things, and I've already probably put you to sleep, I'll show you a baby shower gift I made for my favorite Asian, Jen, for her shower this weekend.  I got the idea on Pinterest and it only took me about 5 tries to finally get this:

Okay, so it's not perfect.  It may look like a random cloth nipple, but it's supposed to be an ice-cream made out of a baby hat, onesies (yes, I've learned what those are) and baby wash cloths.   Alright, if you're even still with me after this post I hope to make the next one a little more interesting, but not everything can be all hate can it? ; )

Blah

I know I was going to use my blog for venting purposes, but considering my last post was a little much, I had to delete it.  I'm just giving the heads up that today, a Monday, is making me wish that I kept that post...and added to it.

Instead I have decided to quarantine myself in my office.  Listen to tunes on Pandora, and maybe even start drinking...what? I've still got about 7 hours before I have to operate a vehicle.

Even a Caveman Can Do It

Ahhh, just a nice Tuesday night here at the house (yes, I've been drinking wine...don't judge).  It's a little after 8pm and I FINALLY finished cleaning the kitchen.  My husband is home for the night.  Yes, he did just leave two days ago, came home tonight at 7:30 and will be gone to leave town again by 6 in the morning!  He's working the Pink Pony shift as a husband apparently.
Since I only had my dude home for a few hours tonight (don't worry, I'm not ignoring him, he's actually WORKING on his laptop) I thought I would make him a nice dinner.  And anyone that knows both of us knows two important facts: 1) I am not able to cook a meal that is real food, 2) Jrock only eats healthy recipes.  And by healthy, I mean I'm pretty limited on what I can make that he will actually eat (grilled chicken, vegetables, grilled chicken, fish, grilled chicken).  I am terrified of giving us food poisoning from undercooked meat, so I limit most of my cooking to baking, the Forman, and a crockpot.  True Story.  But tonight I wanted to try and surprise him with something that he would be glad to eat...a recipe that fits into his Paleo diet.  What's a Paleo diet?  Oh just a diet that is restricted to foods that you could find during the Paleolithic period.  As in hunters and gathers, cavemen, stone age, primal beings eating meats, seafood, nuts, berries and whatever boring shit you might come across back then.  It's apparently all the rage, and what better way to become a modern day Susie Homemaker than to make my insane (did I just type that) husband a dish that is comprised of such simple, yet delicious, ingredients??  After researching the internet for amazing recipes like pumpkin pancakes, turkey gizzards with nuts, and human flesh...I finally found one that he might like: Pork chops with onions and apples.

I rushed home to get all my "fixins" together to have them in the oven in time for his arrival.  I followed the recipe almost exactly, and by the time Jrock made it home I seriously couldn't contain my shit eating grin for how proud I was of myself.  Nevermind that I was following a diet based on cavemen that were complete savages...that wasn't important, what was, was that I managed to a cook a meal. A real meal.  That even followed some dietary (although strange) restrictions.  When we finally sat down to taste our amazing meal I was beyond excited.  What would he say?  How much praise would I get for this one?  I just knew this was going to be healthy and delicious, why else would these people rant and rave about it online?

I finally got the first bite in my mouth...hmm, something must be off.  Maybe I didn't get enough apple in with the pork.  Try again...nope, still bland.  I finally realized, anyone that's strange enough to revert to methods cavemen used isn't probably going to be on the same culinary page as a girl that uses more condiments in one meal than most restaurants probably go through in an evening.  This is also when Jrock informs me that he's not really on this diet, and that I might find it a bit boring.  I then gave in, scraped off the onions and apples (they became a side dish) and grabbed a bottle of bbq sauce.  No way I was wasting my food, but definitely wasn't subjecting myself to bland food...life's just too short.  So in true white trash fashion, I consumed my meal, happily, with ranch dressing and bbq sauce all over my plate.  And washed it down with white wine.  There's a reason we as humans have advanced over the years, and to the whole Paleo diet followers, I just have to ask...what the f*ck?!?

Skinny Fat

It's a pretty routine morning here around the house.  I have my husband home for a whopping 30 something hours before he leaves town again and I return to a single mother (single mother of a dog, but whatever).  This Saturday, like EVERY Saturday, I will share my husband with his true love...the gym.  While he does his usual workout (which is done at 4:30 every morning during the week), I spend my time cleaning the house.  But this morning I'm feeling a little under the weather due to a battle I lost with a bottle of cheap red wine.  Why does something that tastes so awesome going down make you feel like absolute crap the next day?  Well, since I'm lying around feeling sorry for myself and waiting on Man Meat to get home, I thought I'd share my own personal workout routine.  I recently heard an expression from one of our Crossfit (cult) friends...skinny fat.  Skinny fat is when someone may appear thin (thank you IBS), but is completely unhealthy, undefined and flabby.  THAT IS ME.  So I decided I needed to start working on my condition.

Enter a photo of my treadmill:

So you might be wondering, why am I showing you a random photo of my treadmill with a chair next to it?  Well, I'm one of those that's terrified of gyms.  I always feel like you have to workout, before you are allowed to go in there and workout.  I don't have the fake boobs, steroid look, wash board abs, or workout outfits (I prefer mickey mouse boxers) to join a gym.  And yes, these are just what I think the people in a gym look like, cause I obviously don't belong to one or ever go.
I figured there's only so much longer that I convince my husband that my slight weight gain has caused my larger rear to resemble that of Kim Kardashian, and not just a fat slob.  I don't think he's really buying into it anyways, but it's what I like to tell myself to keep from having a nervous breakdown.
I'm a completely lazy person, and feel that I to have some kind of reward for exercising.  And instead of paying $5 a month to have a cable box added to the TV in the basement, I came up with another way to distract myself and convince myself I need to start walking more:

I decided that I could use the chair and boxes to make a makeshift desk to hold my laptop, all so that I could play on Pinterest while I walk.  Ridiculous?  Yes.  But effective...also yes.  I've actually forced myself to get on the treadmill if I decide I want to play online.  Okay, only once this week, but that's one time more than the week before!  This could be the start of a new relationship with exercise!  I doubt it, but it could.

But, I have to get back to laying on the couch for now.  My whole skinny fat problem can wait until I feel a little better.

Meet & Greet

Considering I wanted to use my blog as a place to vent, I haven't quite decided whether I really wanted to "expose" who I/we are.  But then I realized, I have 2 readers...so what the hell does it matter?  I still can't figure out how to set this thing up and make it cute, with a little description of "us" on the side.  So I'll just publish another post.
Growing up I wasn't sure if I wanted to be barbie, a professional wrestler, a baywatch babe, or an international lawyer.  I know...I was a little confused, and really bought into the whole "you can be anything you want to be when you grow up" bullshit line your parents give you.  I'm still trying to figure this out today, and I'm rapidly approaching thirty.  Not something I really want to discuss.  What I did realize is that I did find someone as equally disturbing, maybe even more so in some cases, than myself.  And he is now my life partner, roommate, spouse, bitch, husband, domestic companion...or my favorite: my TAG TEAM partner.  Looks like I get to be a little bit of that wrestler I always wanted to be. ; )
I will most likely refer to him as Man Meat or Jrock on here, but since you all know me...you know his real name anyways.
Here are few of my favorite photos of my heterosexual life partner:

I know, I know...I'm a lucky guy.  I think for now I'll claim him.  I also plan to write about our emo dog, Rollins; but I should probably see if I can get a decent photo of him first.  Poor guy.

I'd like to write more but (per usual) an office skank has somehow put me in a bad mood.  Until I actually have something interesting or important to say, I guess I'll bid you farewell.

This is the end...

This is it, I've finally given in.  I've decided to embrace this thing called "nesting" and realize that I'm no longer young, funny, or interesting. I've joined Pinterest, gone thrift store shopping for DIY projects, followed every "mommy" blog you can think of, and googled every home cleaning tip.  When I first learned of all the blogs people were creating I had a real attitude about it.  What could I say or do that would interest anyone?  Why would anyone care to read about my boring life?  I understood why my sister-in-law had her's, it's the only way to keep my nosey family from calling every 5 minutes for updates on my nephew.  But it wasn't until I came across a blog from an intern in Washington that it really got my attention.  It was a blog about her being a skank.  A skank!?!  I love to talk about skanks!! Only because I'm not one.  I then realized, I don't actually need anything to write about.  I'm so strongly opinionated and easily irritated that I could use my very own blog to get things off my chest.  Maybe this will keep me from making so many enemies.  But I doubt it, I'm surrounded by disgusting pigs that make me want to scream almost daily, but that's neither here not there.

I'm sure my only actual readers will be my sister-in-law (Lauren, thanks for the inspiration), my husband (Man Meat), and maybe my mother.  Until I actually figure out how to use this thing, we'll start slow.